Strike and counterstrike.

My friends, you may have heard some lies about me today while I was off working in the SHELTER FOR ABUSED MARMOTS. You may have heard claims that the Pinkerton gnomes revealed these facts. You may not know what to believe. I assure you, my friends, that the allegations made against me are both FALSE and pernicious, and come not from the PINKERTON gnomes but a rival agency, known as the STINKERTONS. I also know I cannot tell you what to think, but I believe that before you make your final determination you should take into account certain facts, such as that:


blorky has had over 14 elective rectal surgeries since June 2003, even though he CLAIMS he is not addicted to them.

blorky inspired the Matchbox 20 song "The Last Beautiful Girl." Also AC/DCs "Shoot to Thrill."

blorky hates Argon and any MOTHER FUCKER who refers to it as a "Noble gas."

blorky was voted "King of Bling" at H&R Block's annual accountant's ball.

blorky was totally into Christ before he got popular.

blorky holds this truth to be self evident: YOU'RE GOING DOWN, BITCH.

blorky is a 3-term governor of the state of grace.

blorky cannot fly a Boeing 747, but once dragged one to safety with his teeth after its engines stalled at 20,000 feet. Among the passengers blorky is credited with saving are Jacques Chirac and ERIK ESTRADA.

blorky just launched a hostile takeover of YOUR PANTS.

blorky is a very good father to each of his SEVENTY FOUR sons. He has no known daughters.

blorky prevented armageddon when he FILIBUSTERED GOD.

blorky is the funkiest insurance adjuster ever to come out of KENOSHA WISCONSIN.

blorky likes his coffee like he likes his women. Cold and distant.

blorky is living proof that you can HAMBURGLE without being a HAMBURGLAR

blorky is a very considerate lover, so long as you are DEAD.

blorky is as pungent as he is malevolent.

blorky calls his little black book of conquests "Amalgamated BITCHES."

blorky dials M for Mahvelous.

blorky is considered doubtful for Tuesday's volleyball match with a MISSING GROIN.

blorky is quite the Turkish delight

blorky unhinged his jaw and swallowed East Korea whole.

blorky died today. Cause of death? Total eclipse of the heart.