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Thu, Jan. 5th, 2006, 07:36 am
noumignon: Terrible Truths About Chuck Norris

Selected from the Chuck Norris Fact Generator, Terrible Truths About Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not go hunting, because "hunting" implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity," then you are dead wrong.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz steaks in an hour. He had sex with the waitress for the first 45 minutes.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.